My curse.

I suffer from a couple of conditions, notably procrastination and self-sabotage. It seems the actual thing I want to do, I am least likely to get on with >>> !?!!?!! So I've decided to stop the nonsense.

pro·cras·ti·nate

v. pro·cras·ti·nat·ed, pro·cras·ti·nat·ing, pro·cras·ti·nates

v.intr.

To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.

v.tr.

To postpone or delay needlessly.

"Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn't happen." ~ Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby

<<< time to reverse the cycle

Nihilism sets you free.

"What? What the hell are you talking about Sam? Isn't nihilism that nasty, anarchistic movement that believes in fuck all?"
Well, yes... and no.
Here's some dictionary definitions:
1. total rejection of established laws and institutions.
2. anarchy, terrorism, or other revolutionary activity.
3. total and absolute destructiveness.
4. Philosophy:
 a. an extreme form of skepticism: the denial of all real existence.
 b. nothingness or nonexistence.
So yea, nihilism gets a bad deal. But I'm more interested in the philosophical aspects it has to offer (4a. and 4b.) not the initial definitions 1, 2 and 3.  I do not totally reject the law and institutes, in fact I embrace them. I may question them, but I understand and value their role to build better societies. I do not support anarchism or terrorism. And I do not believe in total and absolute destructiveness. Just to set the record straight.
I appreciate the philosophical ideas surrounding nihilism.
So how can nihilism set you free?
Existential nihilism interests me. This is what set me free. Why do we exist? Are we real, or are we brains in a vat? There are many philosophical concepts that I find fascinating. For me, when I read the Freydis book of Nihilism certain ideas matched my belief system. It opened my eyes to the truth of existence, and in that truth I found peace. In nothingness I found my own personal harmony. 
I accepted we are a planet, a tiny spec floating within the vast depths of nothingness. I don't find this depressing. I find it uplifting. It somehow allows you to see the bigger picture, to realise that everything we perceive as being important... isn't. For me, it's a spiritual acceptance of my existence. I am a tiny human, occupying a tiny planet. Upon realising this, I could then breathe.
I was feeling so much pressure I couldn't breathe. My career, my family, my lifestyle... it all felt unreal. Now though, it doesn't. Since accepting the reality of nothingness, everything in my life gained more significance. I could see clearly. With clarity came understanding, and with understanding came purpose.
I just want to challenge any preconceived ideas you may have about nihilism. It's not a word that conjures positivity. As with anything, it's what you take from it and learn from it. I am not a political nihilist. No. Definitely not.
I am an existential nihilist.
I will continue to create my own subjective meaning and purpose. I will continue to embrace the universe, where one day my energy will be cast.
Think on that, just for a moment.

Modern Creative goes social

Hi. First of all, apologies. If you're one of the few people who visit my blog, I apologise for my lack of posts in the last few months. I've been thinking. Which is one of my weaknesses/strengths. I've sorted out a lot of shit in my head, with various jobs and projects, and well, what to do about it all! I've been doing some streamlining, and yea, at one point I wasn't sure if 'modern creative' was the right platform for me to rant and rave and share my artwork. It turns out, it is! I miss it. I have other commercial social media outlets for my mainstream/paid work, but I really need this. I really need 'modern creative'. Somewhere I can post whatever random image I may create, or whatever issue I want to rant about. And if someone out there likes it, or doesn't... I'm cool with that.

So I've set up a couple of other social media pages to tie in with this one. Y'know, to get it all connected and to help spread the word.

So if you're visiting this blog, and reading this sentence, please take a moment to visit both my Modern Facebook and Modern Twitter pages, and to 'like' and 'follow':

Modern Creative on Facebook

Modern Creative on Twitter

Thanks!

Ok, I'm designing some upcoming blogs to get the juices flowing! I'm more politically involved now and more aware of what's going on out there. With reality in mind, and the deep sense of philosophy about the world in which we occupy, I'm looking forward to the upcoming journey.

Canvas no. 01 (work in progress)

work in progress. acrylic on canvas (18.01.13)

Painting, a bit odd after all these years

I recently started painting onto canvas. Nothing amazing, just playing with colour and how the paint 'feels' as it interacts with the surface. it's been a while since I last painted. It's an extension of my sketchbook... so it looks really abstract, applying my automatic technique. Whatever goes. I'll post something up soon to show how it's going. Yea, feels a bit odd after all those years 'off'. But good. Feels like escapism from my commercial work.

[a blank canvas] comment

Sometimes saying nothing says everything. Less is more. Please ignore the cliches, I don't care. Sometimes you have to do nothing before you can do anything. You have to embrace the reality of emptiness before you can appreciate the beauty of creativity. In my art, it all starts with a blank canvas. A technique I often go back to when I need to reset my thought process and start again. A blank canvas really clarifies things for me when my art looses direction.

a blank canvas

(19.11.12)