Why are you reading this?

I mean, haven't you got anything better to do? Why don't you go and do what you want to do, rather than reading about what I want to do?

This is a personal journal of my artwork, that I have decided to put on-line. So if anyone wants to read it, or look at my random sketches, they are more than welcome to. However, haven't you got anything better to do? Why are you still reading this? Unless of course you aren't reading this, and you have actually gone off to do what you want to do. Which is great, but I'm now talking to you (who's gone off to do what you want to do) as if you're still here. Which is impossible. It's not going to work. So I need to talk to those of you who are still here, reading this paradoxical babble. Why are you still reading this? There is no greater purpose regarding this random collection of words other than to waste your time... so stop reading and go and do whatever you want to do! That project you've been putting off for the last 6 months... go and do it. It's got to be better than reading this nonsense surely?

I now assume you've all gone off to do what you want, so I'll talk to myself for a bit...

dvbiasdbf dfoadfo dsf dsFOHF DFODF DFOdfiohfdofi df dhih FIDHF dd sdv vdvdoih dsoiVD NDOFHd fd ffkdfh dfdF DFDOIFH D dkdfjhsd fdsnf jlF jf dohd oSDO CDOHI FFBEMWFB E,DCCDFHFORIF jpioe ag roighq gqerf dqwpi e.

I always find it therapeutic to let it all out.

To you, if anyone's there, those few lines of letters above may seem like complete twoddle. But to me, they are symbolic of my inner calling. To confuse and disorientate in some way. To suggest the possibility that there doesn't have to be an answer, or a set way of doing things. Randomly write, draw and behave. It's fun and breaks you away from the daily grind. So why exactly are you still reading this? I'm not going to change you. You need to do that. If you haven't got the message yet and you're still reading this, then there is little hope for you. Unless of course, you can drag yourself away before I complete this particular blog. Go on, stop reading. Quick! Before I reach the end! If I reach to end before you stop reading, you'll never go and do what you want to do. You'll always follow others. You'll always read about how other people are doing. So go! Now! I'm approaching my last sentence. Oh for fucks sake... why are you still reading this??

Subconscious study no. 2

Subconscious study no.2 (08/12)

Why I like empty space

It makes a point, doesn't it?

Why I like orange

I love the colour orange. That's why I picked it as my brand colour for my business: Quagga Design Management. But why do I like it so much?

Ok, I've done some further research and it signifies the following:

• It's a power colour
• It's one of the healing colours
• It stimulates enthusiasm
• It stimulates creativity
• It means vitality with endurance
• People who like orange are usually thoughtful and sincere
• A dynamic colour, orange offers a more thoughtful alternative to red
• Orange signifies curiosity
• Orange signifies exploration
• It can spice things up in times of boredom
• It offers relief from things becoming too serious

Yes, these things pretty much sum up how I work... and how Quagga works. My business is active, healing, enthusiastic, creative, thoughtful, dynamic and... well, different. It seems I have subconsciously picked a brand colour that is perfect for what my business signifies. This is why I love it. Look deeply... it's quite something isn't it?

Orange square (08/12)

Sight is blind

Sight is blind (08/12)

Making it up as I go along

Today, I'm doing just that. Making up this blog as I go along. I don't have a set plan of what I'm going to talk about... it's just going to come to mind and I'm going to type it. But this is not automatism. No. I'm still going to write with conscious interaction. Blah blah blah. Etc etc. To be continued. So, what next?
The concept of time is simple: Without time, man would simply spiral into nothingness. Imagine, getting up when the sun rises and going to bed when it gets dark. There is no 'Monday' or 'August' or the year '2012'. It's just space. A massive planet with no time. If clocks were suddenly gone, would you freak out? How much do we take for granted regards 'time'? As for the advanced array of systems that arguably clog up our planet, don't get me started! Most systems are good, some are bad. As much as I dislike the concept of systems and being governed, I do see their value, as without them it would be chaos and we would all suffer. So, it's all about balance... isn't it? I believe in balance and harmony. But I am also like extreme things too. To put it simply, I like red meat but I also like fresh peppers. I like wine but I also like water. I like snuggling up in bed but I also like skydiving. I like metal music but I also like soppy rom-coms. I like monsters but I also like kittens. So, I get a greater variety in my life due to keeping it balanced! I'm not against anything, and I'll give anything a try! Why not? When you first hear someone talking about balance and moderation, you may think that it's a boring place to be. Far from it. You actually experience more! Because you are open to ideas and therefore will experience a greater number of opportunities. I like sitting in the dark drinking coffee whilst writing blogs, but I also like wide open spaces meeting new people in new places. I'm both anintrovert and an extrovert. I like taking time for myself as much as I like to spend time with other people. I find people fascinating. People from all walks of life. And I value each and every person just the same. I'll strike up a conversation with anyone, regardless of their social status. I don't care where you are in your job or what car you drive. If you're a descent human being, that's good enough for me. I try not to take myself too seriously, which you might find odd if you've read all my previous blogs. Yes, I like to get on my soap-box... but why not? I then balance it out with then talking complete childish bollocks! So that's ok! I don't want to be known for being either. I just want to be allowed to explore my feelings and emotions as they occur, and not be set to a single track. I guess that's why I'm an artist. I soak up information, think on it, then either regurgitate it in some manner or not. It's whatever inspires me. For example, I love metal music, horror films, extreme sports and taking risks. But some days I also love to chill out, kick back and watch a rom-com with my wife knowing that everything is organised for the next day. Sometimes I like to plan, and sometimes I like to be spontaneous. But that's just me. I don't like to be set by one rule. Just because I'm one thing doesn't mean I can't appreciate another. Balance is the key. But what is a key really? Is it just an object that enables us to keep our possessions secure? Car keys. House keys. We all have them. But what about the key to your inner self? Have you ever used it? Try it now. Take your 'key' and unlock your inner mind, and release those inhibitions! Do what you've always wanted to do. Stop securing it. Let it free! That's the key. There is no predetermined end to this blog, it's just going to fade off at some point, which is going to happen very soon I think. I do that quite a lot. 'Think'. How about you? I like thinking. It kind of goes with planning... and reflection of course. I think about things that have happened so I learn from them. I think a lot. I think there's a philosopher in me somewhere that will one day break out. Maybe in my later years, you know, when I'm 70 or 80... when I have even more time to 'think'. However, even at that age I intend to be going out on my mountain bike and to metal gigs. That'll give me a lot to think about I'm sure. Being 70 and going to a metal concert. That sounds amazing. I will also be travelling a lot from my mid 40's I think, once my kids are older and I'm living in a smaller house. I want to put my money into travelling the world with my camera and business, rather than being tied down to a large house that takes up all my time. That's not for me! Time is short, so let's fill it with the stuff we want to do. Time's up.

Everything has its limit? Fuck that shit...

eve-ry-thing:

1. every thing or particular of an aggregate or total; all
2. something extremely important

lim-it:

1. the final, utmost, or furthest boundary or point as to extent
2. a boundary or bound

What a fucking way to think eh? Could it be an excuse? Well, I can't go any further... I've reached my limit. After all, everything has its limits! Who said so? Who sat there and said... hmmm... lets make everything limited. I don't fucking think so.

For one thing, my thoughts aren't limited. So immediately that phrase falls flat on its face. Oh no! My thoughts have been limited... what am I to do!? Precisely. It's complete bollocks.

All you have to do is open your mind, and you can do anything. The only person holding you back is you. Forget all that stuff you've been force fed and start to believe in yourself. If you have a dream, do something about it. Don't just sit there subjecting yourself to the free-flow of excuses that pop up and occupy your mind. Try this, as soon as a negative or 'limiting' thought comes to mind, do the exact opposite... straight away! For example, you want to paint a picture but your brain tells you that you can't be bothered and you'd rather sit on the sofa watching TV. Fuck that shit!! Get up, grab those paints and that canvas you got 3 months ago and just get on with it. The more you do this the easier it gets. I've been employing it for the last few months and it's starting to become second nature. IE:

My initial thought: I think I'll go for a bike ride

My lazy/limited mind: No you don't, sit down and put your feet up

My 'fuck that shit' thought: Fuck you! No, I'm going for a bike ride NOW!!

...and before I know it I'm on my bike, feeling a hell of a lot better. I don't know what it is about modern man, but it seems that the general population is all too happy sitting around and accepting things as they are. Or are they? People seem to have strong ideas and beliefs about something, but don't act on it? Why? What's the one thing you want to do before you die? Well?? I bet you haven't even started it yet, or you find an excuse not to do it, or you're putting it off until next year. Sorry, but you'll get to 87 on your death bed wondering 'Why the hell didn't I just get on with it 50 years ago? Fuck. Now I'm too old and I'm going to die.'

Fuck. That. Shit.

Forgotten time

Forgotten time (Aug 2012)

So, that was the Olympics

I did enter the London 2012 Olympics with a sense of scepticism and uncertainty. I think it was the negative media that surrounded the build-up to the games. You know, the costs involved (somewhere between 9 and 12 billion pounds), plus those corporations that sponsored the games (Coca Cola, McDonalds etc). Was it money well spent? Could those billions of pounds gone on something more important? Were we sending out the right message via those corporate sponsors? So before the games even got started, my mind was full of media speculation.

I think it has been money well spent, as long as the 'feel good' factor is utilised and we encourage the next generation of young athletes. We've had a record result for team GB... and it would be a shame to loose the vibe that has been built upon in the last two weeks. I personally enjoy most sports, and partake in some myself. I enjoy the competitive, rewarding, team playing aspects. Over the last 2 weeks, we have identified some really strong role models for our kids. These athletes have shown us that you can achieve your goals via hard work and determination, and that's exactly what our children need to see and aspire to. Let's not demolish the Olympic stadium (as some rumours suggest), instead let's work out a way in which we can inspire our children and use the stadium in a positive manner. A balance has to be struck, between making the stadium financially viable whilst delivering its legacy to the next generation of athletes. Me? I would run weekly concerts and events to maintain its upkeep. Then for the rest of the time, I would get children into the stadium practicing their respective disciplines. How great would it be to be able to train on an olympic track, or within an olympic pool? How amazing would that be for the next generation?

As a spectator of the 2012 Olympics, I've really enjoyed it. Especially the cycling and track events. I know there has been a lot of negativity surrounding the games regards its cost and it's corporate sponsors. But I'm trying to weigh up the pros and cons. Yes it's been expensive and the money could have been better spent elsewhere. Yes the games have been funded by corporations that should not be identified with athletes. Yes I don't like it. However, the games have been a huge success and open up some exciting opportunities for our youth. Having watched the Olympics, children actually want to be like the athletes they've seen on TV. It's how we take that positive energy into the coming months and make those important decisions. I think we'll learn a lot about our government over the next year and what they value for the future... and how they plan to match team GB's 2012 success at the 2016 Rio games...

Automatic excerpt no. 2

Look deep out of his foot. Normal new sock reaction, distraction > multiplication. Sits laughs and looks like a dog.

Shits giraffes and hooks like a knob.

Spits scarf and shook life a fog.

Well.....Never.....Maybe.

Maybe.....Not.....Yes.

Fantasy creates illusions of real things being greater than what they actually are. Forever sing like this began its decent into hell so it would not align. Peace creates comfort, comfort creates boredom, boredom creates questions, questions create answers, answers create war, war creates peace. - fudge*

I have given myself the task of finding twenty four words to describe what is on my mind regards this status update. Job done.

The middle of the beginning has almost reached its conclusion. No more thought is received in time for consideration. Tales of old remember themselves in a time that modern minds have forgot.

----- Calm -----

For some reason I really want to write: butterscotch.

Do you 'know', really? Can you be 100% sure. Pineapple fridge can save the way. Forgive me fucker, for I have binned it. Thrown it to the fucking clouds. Out of somewhere comes nowhere... very very fast. Not of the Earth nor the sun can the clouds or rain or thunder destroy our souls. Begin this, for now is the time of questioning. Of provoking. Need not the baggage of contemporary limits... for they blind us to the obvious truth. That we are animals, force fed bullshit information so that the powerful can manipulate and exploit us. All of us. NOW COUNT. COUNT THE WAY TO YOUR DEMISE. COUNTDOWN THE SECONDS. FOR WE ARE ALL MORTALS, FIGHTING FOR WHAT PRECIOUS LITTLE TIME WE HAVE LEFT. <<<<<

>>Fingers poinT >>>

Dead is the life of new blood stream green light discovers odd lush singular transaction decoding in unison with the unreal delight as seen outside of no regular pattern.

DANGER THIS COULD FADE. WHEN 100 YEARS HAVE PASSED AND ENTERED THE PAST WILL ANYONE CONSIDER THE EXISTENCE OF WHAT IS NOW? NEVER THE MACHINE GROWS YET IT GUIDES US WITHOUT US REALLY KNOWING, NO ONE KNOWS.

Like life, these marks will gradually fade. Now they've made their mark. New found power rises from within. The external boundaries do not contain. The middle ground has been destroyed.

Subconscious study no. 1

Subconscious study no. 1 (Aug 2012)

What has happened in my life so far, in a nutshell

I was born on November 3^rd 1977, so just over 34 years and 9 months ago. Yes, I turn 35 this year... how I got to this number I don't quite know. I still feel like I'm 18 sometimes. Yet other times I feel a lot older... because of what's happened in my life so far. So, in a nutshell...

From the age of 0-5 I was born and toddled about a bit! I don't remember anything from this time so I can't comment on it. So for the first 5 years of my life I have no appreciation of it. Damn. It must have been ok as I'm still here! From 5-22 I went through the education system. This shaped me into the well-rounded individual I am now. I attended primary, middle and high school where I struggled to make sense of any of it. I just put my head down and worked the best I could. I made a few friends, who are still my friends today. I did well at graphic design and art, and got good enough grades in maths, english and science to go onto college.

In 1994 I started 6^th form college where things got better. People actually wanted to learn their subjects, and there were no idiots or bullies. It's here I think I actually started to find 'me'. By the upper-sixth (year 2) I had found myself and my preferred subjects. I had a close-nit group of friends, and I was studying A-level art, technology and photography. Towards the end of my second year I put together my first ever artists portfolio, I was 18. I had an interview at the Norwich art school, and to obtain a place I had to have a very strong portfolio of work. Which I had. I was offered an unconditional position in the early part of 1996, so there was no pressure on me to get top grades in my A-levels! I did ok at A-level, but I much preferred the degree to come.

From September 1996 - June 2000 I went to the Norwich art school. The first year was a foundation year, then I got onto the 3 year degree course in graphic design. I studied graphics, photography, publishing, illustration and animation. It was an amazing time and I made a great deal of friends. I did experience my first ever trauma at the art school in 1999. My girlfriend died during the second year of my degree. She killed herself, and that has been an emotional scar I've carried to this day. This event changed my perspective on life. I graduated in 2000 at the age of 22.

So I left the art school, single and a little messed up. I got a good grade, but I was robbed of my full potential due to the trauma I went through in the third year... trying to complete my degree work whilst grieving for my dead girlfriend. However, I dug deep and pulled through. I was not going to give up, and I didn't. I learnt that I was a determined and stubborn individual, and that the innocent, naive 'child' had gone.

For the year after graduation, I worked part-time at the art school as a technician. I also joined a drama group so I could meet new creative people. I also formed a band with a close friend... times were good. I took a step back and relaxed. It was in the new drama group that I met someone very special... Michelle. It was in the second term, the spring of 2001 that we first noticed each other. We would go to the pub after rehearsals and chat away about anything and everything. We hit it off really well. 3 years later we married, and today we are still here! It's been a rocky road, with some hard times... but equally fantastic times.

In a nutshell, life is amazing. You have to accept the rough with the smooth! It's true. I have a brilliant family, with a beautiful wife and two amazing boys. Back in 1999, I chose to move on the best I could and not dwell. If I hadn't of done that, I wouldn't have graduated and I wouldn't have joined a drama course. I wouldn't be where I am now. I am grateful for all the experiences I have had, as they have enriched my life. Right now, I am building up a creative business (alongside my personal artwork) whilst my family grows. It really is quite magical being with someone you love so dearly, as your children grow and discover new things.

I suppose I've only really been conscious of the last 18 years, from when I was 16. It was when I was 16/17 that I really understood who I was. It's as if for the first 16 years of your life, you're literally growing, playing and learning. It's not until you become a young adult that things start to become real for you. So in that sense, I'm not 34... I am only 18!

Automatic excerpt no. 1

Triangle sport does give into it no no it. Stimulate the marks we settle on this page for it will incredibly as it may sound hear like emptiness. Spoons they do bend if you use a hammer or jelly. Maybe. For fish sake swim on. Lezzerbergan triadens, that all I don't want to see. Strange scenario plays up and acts out of sync with everything. Cogs turn, people burn and the world will learn. Not on my time. Small hand, tiny arm, big fucking pain in the finger. Trigger. Looks book hooks menu for me and my main main end. Sick.

Feed. Feel. Forget.

Slide into fire forever may I regret.

Deny you into sense of art and conclusion for no thing really does exist with a positive clear knowledge of purpose. 17. 17. Half of it so far. How much more can be gathered? Is it know that fungus feel so delicate.

Cannot.

Break.

Pause.

Reset.

Because you can feel the hurt, does it mean you hurt? Or should we just move on? Feed the need or move to the groove. Repair your puncture, inflate your sense of self, and roll on. Move on. You wouldn't keep tearing off a repaired puncture would you? You would want to move on, move forward and enjoy. Much like a repaired puncture on a bicycle. Fact. Figure. Add. Subtract. Times. Time. Passes <

Maths, science and art. Explore. Lets get on with it.

-

Flight. ? Fight. ! Fuck it!!

> Fight!!!! <

Go for what you need. Make your life and others better. 'Be' energy. Make good of your time, before it expires... now go... be... create!

Playful fingers dance across of new design and flawless desires tapped into realms a pig will not do any harm. Ring, fragile, torture, device, caress, carcass, ._. top middle the juice no pie is cut to its edge for long nor short, puff pastry. Carrot jxtstis>opttz,18/7.

Disjoint meaning slides out 4 new + sing like it needs to be sung. Win like it needs to be won. Run like you need to get away. A way out.

Away with the edge of reason.

Nork Fork see why?

No no do not get why or the scale of it all > Flux. Do not trust.

Pie. Sight is blind. Reaction is falsity if you think

Inner rust

inner rust (2012)