Accept the vast emptiness and move on

Yes, we are a tiny planet floating amidst a vast cosmos of emptiness, but that's not to say we don't matter. We do matter, that's our purpose. That's what makes us different. That's the reason we need to exist. That's our point. Life does happen... and we are living proof of that.

I've been on an exploration of my values and beliefs over the last 4 months (see previous blogs) and I am pleased to say I've finally worked it all out. I believe in the cosmos, and I have accepted the vast emptiness of it all. That each of us are tiny specs existing on a planet that itself, is a tiny spec existing amongst a vast universe of other planets, stars and solar systems. It's more than we can ever fathom, and if you think about it too much... it can totally overwhelm you. It feels good to accept this. It feels good to know that I am so small... so I can now move on.

The importance of our lives is built up so much, where things like religion and media make us believe we are more important than we are. In the bigger scheme of things the earth is not the centre of the universe! Science soon rectified that one. We're always trying to work out what our purpose is, why we are here and what the meaning of life is. Well, I have the answers... and they're not hard to grasp. All you have to do is let go and realise that nothing is as important as it seems.

Our purpose is to exist. To survive. To eat, sleep and reproduce. Why? Well... why not? That's the option. Either we exist or we don't. Which would you choose? If you choose to live, why not do something good with it? Enjoy it. Embrace it. Interact with other people in a positive way. Why worry about all of those little things that seem so important? Accept the vast emptiness and move on. Take life by the hand and embark on a journey. Realise that there is no greater purpose, no divine being who has all the answers. Be yourself and think for yourself. Then you will discover the meaning of life for yourself. Don't be afraid to question things either. Stop being told what to think. Thinking isn't illegal.

What I'm trying to get at, is that it could all be over in a micro-second. I don't want to depress or sadden you, no. I want to share with you the reality of our situation. We are vulnerable, yet we have this amazing gift. The gift of life. There is no wise old man with a beard in the heavens, who will answer your prayers. There are however, other human who are real and do need help. Maybe you could answer their 'prayers'? Don't wish upon a star either. Act upon a feeling, and do something instead. Actions speak louder than words, as they say.

4 months ago I felt lost, but now I feel complete. Spiritually, intellectually and emotionally. I've found my 'centre'. I've accepted the vast emptiness... and now I'm moving on. What will today bring? Well, that's up to me.

The art of protest

Just say what you fucking mean. That's what I'm starting to tell myself everyday, and it's through my art that I am starting to find my voice... and my voice wants to protest.

Conformity scares the shit out of me. There's something inside of me that is screaming to be heard, and it is through my art that I am taking this journey. With the aid of this blog, my 'automatic' note book and my sketch book... I am able to connect with ideas that have been bottled up for the best part of a decade. I have realised that I am an artist (shock!) and not suited to being a conventional cog that is subjected to a daily grind. I feel as if I have a different route to take. I want to make art via words, photos, drawings and film. I feel as if I have a purpose, and it's this purpose that's driving me.

But what is it that I want to say? What is my protest?

I want to question everything! So, where to begin. Why are things the way they are? Who decided the 'system' should be run this way? When I think about it, it often overwhelms me. The daily horror that occurs on this planet. How much choice do we really have? From the moment we're born, we're already on course to do what's expects of us. So my protest is, what would it be like if we could all choose different paths? If there was an alternative option?

I want to protest against politics and the system.

For fucks sake. There's so much to question. So it's through my art that I am going to share my thoughts. I don't want to lead a revolution, no. I just want to study the bigger picture, and get people thinking. I have this voice inside that wants to say something... and be heard. It's all about living your life honestly. For you, this may be working 9-5 so you can buy that house you've always wanted. Good for you! As long as you answer your inner 'calling' (see blog on 4^th July) you are on the right track.

So, my art is not simply about aesthetics, portraits or landscapes. It's more than that. It's about making a point. About protesting through the medium of art. However, this is just one part of the puzzle... there is also an 'art' to protesting! As in, there is a skill to protesting effectively, and making your point so it connects with the audience.

Remember... the art of protest.

So, what do you want to protest about?

I had to

I had to (2012)

What inspires me Pt 2: The influence of 'Metal'

I'm talking about metal music. I love it. I've been a fan of the scene since I was 14, so that's 20 years now. Just yesterday I lost myself in the latest Gojira and Fear Factory albums, and right now I have the new Baroness album playing.

As a young teenager of 13, I was listening to the likes of Michael Jackson and Madonna. It wasn't until I went over to a friends house that I discovered something different. He had these posters plastered all over his wall, of guys will long hair sticking their middle fingers up! The band was Guns N' Roses. I had never heard of them. I was 13, and I was a fan of 'pop' music. He stuck on their (now legendary) album Appetite For Destruction and I was instantly hooked to 'that' sound. It was loud and angry and had a purpose. Just what I needed as a teenager. It's that moment that kicked off my love of loud rock and metal music.

It wasn't until about a year later that things turned a little darker. Guns N' Roses were great, but they were more heavy rock. Metal was about to enter my life. I was watching the Freddy Mercury tribute of 1992, and this band called Metallica came on stage. They blew me away! With their monstrous riffs and pounding grooves, I was completely awe-struck. This was even better... so Metallica became the soundtrack to my teenage years, and I first saw them live at Donnington in 1995. Off the back of discovering Metallica, I was introduced to bands such as Megadeth, Sepultura, Pantera, Rage Against the Machine, Korn and Machine Head... who filled my teenage years with meaning, drive and determination. There's no bullshit with 'metal'. It's honest, emotionally driven music that doesn't give a fuck about anything else. It gave me strength in some very difficult times in the late 90's. If it wasn't for metal, I may not have made it. It was (and still is) a huge part of my life.

Metal music inspires me because it has strength, depth and a 'can do' attitude. It doesn't waffle off into self-pity or despair. It doesn't have that horrid 'pop' ethos of style over substance either. There's nothing 'fake' about metal. It is what it is... take it or leave it. So this has been a great influence over the years, giving me strength when needed. I guess, for me, it's a belief system. It kind of makes sense, as you're already aware of my 'Fuck it' and nihilistic foundations. Metal fits well with my genetic make up. For some reason it strikes a chord... and no other music comes close.

When 2000 turned up, the metal scene was having a shit time. Nu-metal was in full swing, which was a bit too commercial and accessible for my liking. One of the attractions to metal was not just the sound, but also the fact that it's controversial and pisses people off! I love the fact that some people I know can't stand metal. I feel like I'm part of a special club. That's what you get when you're a metal fan... it's like being in a big family. Where everyone looks out for each other. If you're a metal fan, you're part of the alternative scene... which has the most incredible array of good, honest people I have ever met. Like I said, there's no fakery, no bullshit. You become part of something that's 'real'. For me, that's been a life-saver. Literally.

Of recent years, the metal scene has re-established itself and is back on course. The bands I am into at the moment include Gojira, Meshuggah, Animals as Leaders, Fear Factory, Deftones, Mastodon and Baroness. To name a few.

20 years on... I still love this music. I'll never grow tired of it as it has so much to offer. I look forward to being in my 70s and going to a metal festival, because I know I'll be looked after, and it will drive me to exist well into my 90s. It gives me fuel. It gives me that fire in my belly, to grab life by the balls and get on with it!

Words interacting with art interacting with you

I'm currently reconnecting with an art style I explored many years ago. The combination of words and phrases, interacting with photography and image making... all carrying a theme of automatism and abstraction. In the past it's also veered off into some form of social commentary... so I'm looking forward to where this examination will lead me this time.

As a person, I've experienced a substantial dose of positive and negative emotions. I often feel a lot older than 34, yet simultaneously I'll revert to feeling like a 18 year old again. It's these emotions and psychological attributes I am looking forward to visualising and sharing. For the moment, I am keeping it open... utilising the 'automatic' approach, just to see what pops out. Then, it will evolve and take on its own direction. It will find its own path.

I love the interacting elements of words and images, and the pictures you can 'metaphorically paint' for an audience. How can a single word or phrase influence your interpretation of an image? Hence, words interacting with art, then interacting with you.

Often, artists leave their work 'untitled' allowing the audience to interpret the image as they wish. I do enjoy this (sometimes), as you can make up your own mind. However, I prefer to give an image a title... to provoke a response from the viewer. With this particular style, I am going to take it a step further and incorporate words/phrases into the canvas space. Thus influencing the audiences interpretation of the image.

What connections can be made between a word and an image, that you would not normally put together? What reaction would you have? Could it perhaps fuel a new chain of thought, leading to a source of inspiration? Or could it perplex and confuse the viewer?

Either way I want it to stir a reaction, provoke the viewer and get them thinking... whilst at the same time satisfying the aesthetic requirements that make art.

Barbara Kruger was my main influence back in 1997. I love the way she mixes her distinct typographic styling, with photographic images. It's that juxtaposition that I find so appealing, exciting and thought provoking.

Can you see?

Can you see? (2012)

Fuck religion and politics

Do you ever get the feeling that your sense of 'self' has been filtered down? That you are simply a byproduct of a 'design process' that is beyond your control? Well, I do.

Religion and politics are two huge, bloated vehicles that run our world. Yet, in the history of this beautiful planet... they are relatively recent concepts.

So what do they do?

They tell us how to think, and they are the main contributing factors regards war, famine, hatred... to name a few. When was the last time you were actually satisfied by a political agenda or issue? Have you ever been able to go through any of their manifestos and tick off each and every policy when it's been delivered?

No? I didn't think so.

I'm no expert in politics, but I do understand what I see and read. A gaggle of 'representatives' often distracted by their own party-politics, bickering and egos, whilst blatantly ignoring the key issue... people. People are what's important. Not bureaucratic nonsense that every one of us is tired of witnessing. We see it on the news, on-line and in the papers. It's everywhere.

The media tells us what it wants us to know.

What I'm trying to say is, do you think we'll ever reach a point where politics actually resolves problems, as opposed to creating them? Is a utopian society achievable, where we're all satisfied with the way things are run? With the jobs we do, the money we earn and the taxes we pay?

No, because we all have different ideas. That's the point.

We'll never reach that position, because we have to understand that each and every one of us is different... and one system cannot rule us all. We have to learn to set aside our differences and simply respect each other. We have to critically think for ourselves in a state that allows people to be themselves. One 'boot' doesn't fit everyone. So why should we settle for one set of rules? For example, the education system has very strict criteria and goals for children. How can you expect one child who excels at sports and not maths, to do as well as a child who does excel at maths? The system needs to identify personal strengths at an earlier age... because we're all different.

Regards religion, we have a system that again, tells people how to think. Now, I'm not going to disrespect religion. We all have our beliefs and I respect those of you who are religious... that's your right as a human being. You have the power to choose. All I'm saying is, make sure you do get a choice. Think for yourself. Is this right for me?

As soon as we can respect each others beliefs, and critically think for ourselves, I know this will build a better society... a better world.

Fuck politics? Fuck religion?

Yes, for me. That's my belief. Now you must respect that and allow me to exist without conflict, as I will do with your beliefs.

However, I am for society as this planet does have an issue... its ever growing population of humans. We need a system that enables people to be themselves, and to focus on their beliefs and abilities in a positive manner. To allow them to think for themselves, yet feel assured that they will come to no harm. The problem is, that this could veer quite easily in anarchy... due to those people who can't but help cause conflict.

Libertarianism. Look it up. See what you think.

I don't like politics or follow a religion.

I would prefer a utopian state where people are free to think and play to their strengths. A world where people fully respect their fellow citizens. I may be idealistic, but that's what I think.

Writing my first novel

After chewing on an idea for the best part of 14 years, I have finally begun work on my first novel.

The concept I had 14 years ago, was not to write a novel... but to make a film. The idea was to plan out the story, write a killer script and visualise it via a storyboard. Then I would simply go around looking for any investors. This never happened. The furthest I got was working with a scriptwriter in 2002. It's been a 'pet project' of mine, and has always fallen away from me due to other commitments: work, family... life! Now though, I am determined to get this story out of my head, and the best way for me to do it is to write it down. So I've decided to do it as a novel.

Why a novel?

Well, all I need is me, a computer and a little time each day. So I can get this story out of my head (where it's driving me crazy), and from there I'll see what it leads to. I believe in my story and characters so much that I'm convinced it can be sold, but that's not why I'm doing it. I'm doing it out of love and passion. As said, this has been rattling around in my mind for 14 years... and I need to get it out! I think we all have ideas at some point for a book, and I've decided to finally act on it. My task is to get at least 1 page down every day. If so, I'll have it complete in 2 years. You know, doing it as a hobby.

So what's the story?

Well, I'm going to have to be very vague about it at this stage because I don't want to give anything away. However, I will be giving development updates over the comings months/years on this blog site. The story is called Underneath The Waves and it's basic premise is this:

Human existence and its meaning is questioned. These questions follow a select few characters and how they react, grow and confront the reality of their lives.

It falls within the dramatic sci-fi genre, where what we think is real... isn't. How do people cope with that?

Sure it sounds like quite a few books/films out there at this stage... but it isn't. Like I said, I'm keeping it vague.

Have you ever had an idea for a book?

Accelerated, automatic art

I post a blog every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, where I commit up to 30 minutes per blog. For the Wednesday blog, I am changing it's format to an 'image'. Mondays and Fridays will continue to be written blogs, but every Wednesday I will dedicate my blog to a piece of 'accelerated art'. I will give myself the same time-frame of 30 minutes to create an image, be it photographic, a sketch or painting. It all relates back to the discussions we've had about 'automatism.'

out of conflict (2012)

Fakebook: The destruction of a person?

No, this is not a particularly original idea... but I am looking forward to having a quick chat about Facebook (or Fakebook, as I affectionately describe it).

Does it enrich our lives, or does it simple allow us to waste more time?

I'm in two minds about this.

In one corner we have a fantastic communication tool, that allows us to chat to friends and keep up to date with our interests. In the other corner, we have a conventional suppression machine that takes up our time and bugs us with what we might like.

Despite this, I am guilty.

I am guilty of using Facebook. I like it. I suppose I am a 'medium' user, where I check in everyday and see what my friends are up to. I may also post a thought provoking or funny image I have found. It's a bit of fun. Through Facebook I have been invited to parties and business events, that I would probably have missed out on. So, for me... Facebook is an extension of my social circle. It's important that I 'know' everyone on my friend list. If you're on my friend list, it means I would stop and have a coffee with you if we crossed paths in the city. I don't like having 'friends' on there who are either old school 'acquaintances' or random individuals who are a friend of a friend. No, that's not for me. So, if you're on my friend list, lets meet up for a coffee!

Facebook is an extension of social interaction.

So, what happens if the opposite were to come into effect? What if I immersed myself in the 'social' world of Facebook? Would it then become Fakebook?

I predict I would make lots of new 'friends', and soon my friend list would exceed 500, maybe even 1000 people. That's a lot of cups of coffee. I would most likely loose myself within a paradoxical spiral of 'likes' and 'pokes' that would, over time, determine how I value peoples opinions and acceptance of me. Maybe Fakebook isn't such a great idea. I don't get out as much, as the concept of interacting with a real person 'face-to-face' is beyond my skill set. My social skills have been worn thin, due to the 'control' I have over my relationship with 'people' online...

I could go on.

The virtual world has been explored in thousands of science-fiction novels and films... so we're all familiar with the concept of 'what is real.'

Could Facebook be the beginning of the end? Is it big brother disguised as a friendly social tool? Name your conspiracy theory and attach it to Fakebook. Is it the destruction of a person?

Well, yes.

If you let it...

Colour for sale

In a dystopian future, colour will be sold... and fought over. It will become a new commodity. It will be exchanged on the black market, and sold for incredible sums of money that only the super-rich can afford.

Like fine wine, cuisine and art... colour will rule them all.

Imagine a world without colour. The only 'free' colours (determined by the state) will be black, white and grey (of which there will only be 3 shades). You will look up to the sky and see grey no.1. The sun is white. Our skies have been polluted beyond repair, which has left a colourless and unnatural tint to our landscape.

The only vibrant light that is available is artificial. So with that has come a cost. Therefore, inevitably... colour has suffered because no one agrees on how it can be 'fairly' used and distributed. So over time, colour has become a product.

You have to buy it to enjoy it.

You wake up in the morning, under your grey no.2 bed sheet. You go downstairs to have a black coffee (at least that's the same). You prepare yourself some cornflakes, again in grey no.2. You go for the orange juice... but it's a pale shade of grey. You've lost your appetite again.

Depression is at an all time high, with suicide rates escalating every day. People it seems, cannot live without colour. It can boost your mood and immune system. It can make you happy or sad. You go to the supermarket to buy a pallet of strawberries (in grey no.3). Everything is black, white or a shade of grey... and you are going crazy.

Advertising is your only escape. You will watch your television, waiting for an advert to come on for 'yellow', where the advertisers will flash up an image of yellow for 2 seconds “this canvas of yellow, yours for just £2,999 per month...”

Then it's gone.

For a moment you wonder what it would be like to live in a world with colour. You imagine how vibrant and exciting it must be. You close your eyes and remember the yellow. You hang onto that memory for just a moment...

...before it fades away to a pale shade of grey.

So, what is your 'calling' in life?

For me, there are three types of people when it comes to work... and in my opinion, they are ALL equally important. It's just working out which one fits your character and lifestyle.

The first type is a 'job'.

This is appealing because you get to go to work on a set pattern (IE. Mon-Fri 9am-5pm) and you are given clear instructions on what to do. If you do it well, then you are paid at the end of each month and free to spend your money on whatever you want. You don't have the stress or responsibility for the business where you work. You can go home at the end of each day and relax. You'll probably do this same job for 30 years, and play a crucial part in getting the job done for the business.

The second type of work is a 'career'.

This is the next step on from a job, where you have set yourself clear goals in the business you are working for. You climb the 'career ladder'. You may start out in one job, then you become a supervisor or manager. There is more responsibility, so you simply cannot leave the office at 5pm and 'switch off'. In many ways, you are your job. You have ambition, and a desire to progress and do well. You may step into a career from university, as you have all the training you need. The fact is, you are a key part of the process where you run a team and make tough decisions. The buck often stops with you. Fortunately, you enjoy your work and you are paid a competitive salary.

The third and final type is a 'calling'.

People who follow this path are often great visionaries and entrepreneurs. They create businesses. They change things. They question things. They have a 'calling' in life to do something different. They have this desire, passion and energy to build their own business. It's not a job or a career... it's a lifestyle. If you have a calling, it is part of you. You want to work because you love it... it's an integral part of your personality. Clocking off at 5pm doesn't appeal to you. The concept of retirement is lost on you. To respond to your calling takes a lot of guts and determination.

It's for the risk takers.

You'll know if you have a calling or not, because right now you're thinking about that idea for a business you've never acted on. So what's it to be?

A job?

A career?

A calling?

Thinking is drawing in your head

Take the concept of a sketchbook, and plant that idea inside your cranial cavity. Yes, thinking is drawing in your head. I'm always sketching out ideas in that space between my ears... and occasionally one or two of them may pop-out and appear on paper.

I think in images more than words.

It's all about following a process. Where in previous blogs I have discussed disconnecting from your conscious state to allow for 'free-flowing' subconscious images and words to materialise, so in this instance we're almost flipping that idea on its head. Think... be conscious of your thought process, and sketch out some ideas whilst you're up there.

It's just another technique to employ as an artist, a scientist or... critical thinker! I enjoy changing my technique to suit my mood. One day I may employ the automatic writing/drawing process, and the next day I may use the conscious approach and really think my way through an idea. It's fantastic being able to apply either technique depending on your mindset at the time. They key thing is not to feel guilty when allowing yourself to sit back and think.

I have an issue with todays media and a lot of these “reality TV” shows. The media is guilty of ramming too much information down our throats. All you need to do is flick on the TV and watch one of the news channels. You have partitioned screens with various amounts of information, you have scrolling news feeds and graphics... and on top of all this you have the newsreader fighting for your attention. There can be up to four or five news stories on the screen at any one time. So how can anyone think with all that going on? The media seems so caught up in delivering us news, that sometimes they get ahead of themselves. They don't think. As for these contestants that take part in reality TV, do they think... at all?

I think I'm veering slightly.

Thinking is drawing in your head.

To get back to my initial point, we all create images and words in our head don't we? We all have an idea about something, someone or somewhere that we imagine in our minds. We may well be 'sketching' out a concept, playing it over and over again to explore the possible outcomes... to identify with consequence. Thinking, planning and developing ideas is just like drawing on paper, with the added bonus that it's locked away, until you're ready to share it with the world.

So how do you value 'thinking'?

To conclude, I'd just like to add that I value the time it takes to think about a project. To intellectually and emotionally plan a project. In todays society (referring back to the media analogy of speed) we have so much information at our fingertips (the internet) and we are constantly spoon fed information via the news and advertising... that we have little time to stop and think.

Therefore I value that time I have to think, and I am happy to charge for it. I run a branding business, and the first part of any project is to think about it. To 'chew' on it for a few days in the back of my mind. Then I'll bring it to my full attention, and think through a strategy. I allow time to 'think' in my business and therefore charge for my time. So many people only charge for the physical time spent at the canvas, or on the computer. They forget that they have been 'drawing in their heads' for a few days before hand. Which is a skill, and you need to be recognised for it.